How Motherhood Changed My Relationship With Vanity

Grey roots, 2-3 chins, bad nose angles, shirts that accentuate my belly... Just a few of the things that used to make me delete a photo of myself. And forget about actually sharing it! I don't think it's uncommon either. I bet everyone heavily edits what images of themselves get posted or shared, and I get it.

However, motherhood has dramatically changed my vanity standards for two huge reasons.

For one thing, motherhood directly and indirectly alters your appearance in ways beyond your control. Weight gain is only one of the most well known side effects of reproducing as well as deflated and saggy boobs. Lesser known but extremely common is diastasis recti. This is a separation of abdominal muscles that causes that puffy mom-tummy that still looks kind of pregnant. Add postpartum hair loss, stretch marks, cesarean scars, sleep deprivation, lack of shower time... Pretty much all of it lessens one's physical appeal, but is also beyond most moms' ability to address.

There are a few things you can do to "help" or "try to prevent" some of these changes, but overall you are the mercy of Mother Nature (that petty bitch). For me, that is one of the freeing realizations. I sacrificed my better/more aesthetically pleasing form in order to make humans. It is what it is. C'est la vie. So if I can't do much about it (short of shelling out thousands of dollars for expensive and painful surgeries), I might as well continue to live my life. And that includes being in pictures and going into public places and generally enjoying myself.

The second major epiphany I've had is that I do not want to miss out on memories. I don't want to be on the sidelines (or edited out completely) of my own story. I want to be where the action is. I want evidence that I was a protagonist in my kids' early experiences. So, I unabashedly include myself in daily selfies as I document everything from my kids' sick days to playing at the park. I probably haven't showered, the sun might be reflecting off my shiny grey roots, and my glasses might be subbing in for eye liner - but gosh darn it I WAS THERE. I am smiling. I love my kids. I am making memories! And someday when I look back at these pictures I don't think I'll see those things. I think my eyes will fill up with tears remembering the chaos and joy that permeated my life for a few years. I think I'll be completely focused on tiny little smiling faces and tiny little fingers and tiny little t-shirts... and that my presence helped make those smiles happen.

For these reasons (and more) I am overjoyed to put my vanity on the back burner and just live life. I'll keep asking for family photos and I will keep including myself in pictures with my kids. I will wear swimsuits and get in the water with my children. I will squeeze them tight in loving hugs, even if it accentuates my flabby arms. I will smile as big as I can because expressing my happiness is way more important to me than my crooked tooth. I will be there in my society-deemed "imperfect" body because motherhood truly transcends physicality.