Our Family's Experience With Covid-19

If you're reading this blog post, there is a really good chance you already know a lot about my family's experience with Covid... but there is so much more I haven't said. There is so much we went through that doesn't translate to a quick Facebook update. There is so much I wish everyone understood.

How We Contracted Covid 

This is one of the questions we get asked the most. It's awkward to talk about because mistakes were made and admitting mistakes is one of the things humans find especially challenging. We also don't want to throw shade at the person we believe we got it from, as it could truly happen to anyone.

I think one thing that people found surprising about our story is that I have been pretty public about having a risk-adverse stance on Covid. I have, perhaps "obnoxiously," shared articles and warnings about the importance of social-distancing and masks. I have turned down tons of play dates and family dinners and fun events out of caution and to do my part to reduce the spread. My husband has had a similar mindset about things, although the requirements and culture of his job meant his daily routines left him more vulnerable than I was as a stay-at-home parent. That said, he was turning down social lunches, wearing masks to mandatory meetings, and meeting clients outdoors with masks on when paperwork needed to be signed. In short, our family was consistently and intentionally avoiding exposure.

At the end of September, my husband agreed to his first in-office meeting since March. The only people would be himself, his assistant (we have always considered her part of our "pod" since they work closely and extensively), and the co-worker. Upon arrival, that co-worker realized he had forgotten his mask in the car and my husband, considering the risk to be low and knowing they would be able to spread out by at least 6 feet during the meeting, told him not to worry about it. The three of them proceeded to have a meeting for a few hours indoors, maskless but well-spaced. It was Tuesday, September 29th. 

Our Timeline of Symptoms & Testing

On Friday, October 2nd my husband noticed that his "allergies" were worse than normal. 

On Saturday, October 3rd he did some yard work and thought that was why his allergies were even worse than the previous day. I remarked that I didn't feel great either, but attributed it to allergies as well. He and I both ran numerous errands, while wearing masks. That night we sat around our fire pit on the patio and my parents stopped by to visit and eat s'mores with the kids. 

On Sunday, October 4th he woke up not feeling well which is unusual for his allergies. He felt worse than the previous day. Around mid-day his assistant texted him to say she was feeling so poorly she was going to urgent care for a Covid test. That night, his co-worker called to let us know that after feeling ill on Friday and getting a Covid test, it came back positive. 

On Monday, October 5th my husband got tested. I didn't feel great, but it was so minimal as to be of no concern. That night both my 2 year old and my 3 year old woke up crying and with a fever. My son (3) complained about his head hurting. 

On Tuesday, October 6th my husband's assistant's test result came back positive. My 5 year old complained of a sore throat. My 2 and 3 year olds still had fevers and my son was lethargic, with no appetite. My husband felt terrible... fatigued and head-cold type symptoms with some coughing. I contacted our primary care doctor to get his inhaler prescription refilled as his most recent inhaler had expired in 2017. He began using a nebulizer and oximeter at home.

On Wednesday, October 7th I took both school-aged kids to get tested for Covid. Originally I did not plan to and figured we could just assume they were positive, but after consulting with the school nurses I found out that if they tested positive it would put more definitive parameters on their quarantine period and therefore get them back to school sooner. Bob continued to cough, struggle to get good oxygen, suffer headaches, and feel fatigued. He also lost his sense of taste. I started to suffer a headache that would literally last a week even with ibuprophen and tylenol. I had muscle aches a very "fuzzy brain" and fatigue. My son no longer had a fever but was still lethargic and had no appetite. My 2 year old still had a fever but seemed otherwise fine. My 5 year old seemed the least affected. My husband's test results came back positive for Covid.

On Thursday, October 8th my son's Covid test came back positive. My husband was talking with our primary care physician regularly as he was struggling more with respiratory symptoms. He and I both continued to have headaches, fatigue, coughing, etc. My 5 year old woke up in the middle of the night crying about her head hurting. 

On Friday, October 9th my 5 year old's Covid test came back negative. I knew it was wrong and also knew that a negative test in these circumstances would keep her out of school until November. I took her back for a new test. She had congestion, glassy eyes, low energy, and just wasn't herself. That afternoon, my husband was struggling so much with respiratory issues that our doctor wrote a steroid prescription. He was having such an awful attack, with violent coughing and an inability to catch his breath that I sent him into the shower with his inhaler while I went to get his prescription. In the 15 years I have known him I have never seen him have a "serious" asthma attack. All I could think about was that I might need to call an ambulance if we couldn't get something to work for him. I gave him his first dose of steroids and we waited 30 minutes, per our doctor's orders, to see if it helped. It did and he was able to stop violently coughing. He was wrecked and scared, but the immediate danger seemed to have passed. He would tell me multiple times that he was terrified and one of the only things that kept him from full-on panicking was knowing we would get a steroid in him soon. He needed a "light at the end of the tunnel" to hinge his hopes on. Later that evening my 5 year old vomited.

On Saturday, October 10th my husband & I continued to feel about the same. He was taking steroids throughout the day and using his inhaler about every 2 hours. He did not have a violent coughing attack which we took to be a positive sign that the steroids were working.

On Sunday, October 11th my 5 year old's second Covid test results came in and she was positive. As weird as it is, I was celebrating this because it meant she would be able to return to school sooner. If she was negative, her quarantine period would have to be an additional 14 days after the last member of our family finished their 10 days from first symptoms quarantine period. That would mean a minimum of a total quarantine period of 24 days. With a positive test result, she would be eligible to be cleared from quarantine 10 days from her first symptoms as long as she was 24+ hours symptom-free. My husband and I felt the same as we had the previous day. We were essentially sitting on the couch all day, with him continuing his steroids and using his inhaler every 2 hours. In the late afternoon he had another violent coughing attack and neither his scheduled steroids or repeat use of his inhaler seemed to get it under control. Our primary care doctor said it was time to take him to the hospital. He packed a few things, thinking he wouldn't be there for more than a few hours or, at worst, one night. The kids and I dropped him off at the Emergency Room and we said a quick goodbye. A few hours later he knew he would be there at least overnight and was continuing to struggle, with worsening respiratory symptoms. They put him on oxygen and multiple steroids/meds that he doesn't even remember. That night and into the following morning was when he felt closest to death. He was consulted about his wishes in the event of a worst case scenario.

On Monday, October 12th we knew he would be in the hospital for a while. We had an early morning conversation in which we talked about who he trusted if at some point he was incapacitated. He and I were both in tears, telling each other we loved each other. The weight of it all was crushing. It was terrifying, made even more unbearable by our fatigue and weakness and dulled mental acuity. I regretted not having a better goodbye when we dropped him off. The kids were all symptom-free and high-energy while I struggled to get through the day. I was physically and emotionally drained. My husband was fighting his own battles at the hospital. The doctors and nurses decided to give him plasma and start him on a 5 day course of Remdesivir. He was still on oxygen. 

Tuesday, October 13th through Friday the 16th things pretty much continued that way. I lost my sense of taste, I was tired, and I battled a never-ending headache. I was in full "survival" mode at home. I was making use of the meals and gift cards from friends... the kids were essentially watching tv all day every day. At the hospital, they continued with Remdesivir and steroids and oxygen. Every day they tried to reduce or remove his oxygen to try and get his body ready to come home, but every time they attempted weaning him off, his lungs rebelled and he would have another bad respiratory attack. We kept riding this crazy rollercoaster of "yes, he has finally turned a corner and is improving" and then "oh no, another scary attack." It wasn't until Thursday afternoon that we truly felt like he was consistently on the upswing. On Friday the hospital administered the last dose of Remdesivir and discharged him to come home. That same day, I finally managed to talk to a live person with the Department of Public Health and nail down the kids' release from isolation as they were all 10 days from first symptoms and had been symptom-free for days. 

Saturday, October 17th & Sunday, October 18th it was amazing to have him back and to feel like the worst was behind us. We resumed our couch-potato recovery regimen together. He was still taking steroids and using an inhaler as needed.

Since then... Our whole family is cleared from quarantine/isolation. My husband is back at work, my kids are back in school, and I am venturing out into the world for groceries. While the kids are completely symptom-free (although my son does have a very occasional cough), my husband and I still suffer lingering affects. While my headache isn't constant, it does come and go with a potency and frequency unlike pre-Covid headaches. I am completely worn out by running 1 or 2 errands. Walking my daughter to school makes me feel like I need an hour-long nap to recover. My husband & I are still foggy. Our mental acuity still feels "off." I forget things in moments or I lose my train of thought. I drop things and can't honestly say whether it is because my dexterity is affected or if it's my brain function. Both my husband and I have described it as feeling like we have extremely mild dementia. We both have a lingering cough and he still needs to use his inhaler frequently. 

What I Want The Naysayers To Know

While I was irritated about some of the Covid-related attitudes previously, I now take offhand comments and facebook posts as outright offensive. Please allow me to get some things off my chest...

"Those people had preexisting conditions/comorbidities" 

This mindset is so dismissive, insensitive, and misleading. For one thing, someone with diabetes or asthma or advanced age or cancer has the same right to life as anyone else. To write them off as some kind of subset of humans when discussing Covid statistics is absolutely repugnant. For another thing, the CDC estimates about 45% of U.S. adults are at increased risk of Covid complications due to other conditions, which is a huge number of people that some are willing to write off. It's not an inconsequential niche. Lastly, when people use this argument they are often implying that "these people" are sickly, geriatric, or basically near-death already. My husband is 35 and healthy. He has played sports weekly for as long as I have known him. As I mentioned above, his asthma was so minor that his most recent inhaler had expired years ago. Most people didn't even know he had asthma and he only ever used his inhaler a handful of times over the course of an entire year. When people discount his harrowing experience because he "has asthma," it is mind-boggling. I think about my parents who are active and healthy. They both are fit and capable and have many, many years left to pursue their passions and enjoy their grandkids. They are also 65, putting them into a category of higher risk for Covid complications. In short, stop treating "these people" like they don't have immense value or that they deserve to suffer.

"Most people don't have symptoms" and "Children don't get it"

I'm less angry about this than I am cautious. Frankly, I had a degree of these mindsets myself. I would say "I'm not that worried about my family, I'm worried about spreading it to vulnerable populations." I had seen that statistics about 60% of people not having symptoms. This was a statistic that was everywhere at the beginning of the pandemic, but has since been updated with better information... It is now estimated that only 20% of people with Covid are asymptomatic. I had seen the headlines about kids not "getting" it. Yet I can now look to my own experience and find new perspective. From that one meeting, my husband, his assistant, her husband, myself, and all three of my kids had symptoms. The most mild case was my 2 year old and she still had a 100° fever for three days. My son wasn't himself for a week. My daughter vomited. 

I totally get using the data and statistics to make decisions and to inform our choices. I guess my new perspective is that we are in the habit of using data and statistics from well-established and thoroughly studied topics and diseases. We have decades of information and research on measles, cancer, HIV, and so on. We have less than a year of information on Covid-19. Emerging data shows that strains can and do change. We still don't have solid info on long-term affects. Our case reporting is whackadoo. For the record, one of the reasons it was such a headache to get my family cleared from quarantine was that my son was the only one in the official systems as an active Covid case. They didn't have my daughter or my husband accurately logged, even though they both had positive Covid tests. My point with all of this isn't to fear-monger or be all "doom and gloom." My point is that it is ill-advised in this context to use some early, imperfect statistics as a way to justify risky behaviors and activity. And I'm not at all someone who thinks everyone should stay home all the time and "the sky is falling." Something else you can take from our story is that fortunately, my parents did not contract the virus from us even though they were around us while we were presumably contagious. I credit being outdoors with that. And even though my husband and I both ran numerous errands before we had concerning symptoms, we wore masks everywhere we went and those destinations all had mandatory mask policies. That is how I can sleep soundly, feeling confident we weren't "typhoid mary-ing" around town. Basically my advice here is to observe and adhere to the data around preventing the spread of the virus, such as good ventilation, masks, social distancing, and hand-washing... but don't hang your hat the limited data on who is "lower risk" to assume you are immune or unlikely to have symptoms. 

"The death rate is miniscule"

While true, that's such a narrow view of an immense issue. I am indescribably grateful my husband is alive. Our family is beyond blessed that we only suffered "mild" symptoms of Covid (even my husband was considered to have "mild" symptoms). But what we went through was awful and scary and heartbreaking. And many people will have "severe" symptoms before recovering... ventilators, months-long stays in hospitals, long-lasting and severe lingering affects. I have several friends who still have Covid symptoms months after recovering. The "long haul" Covid survivors' experiences are well documented. Symptoms aside, the red tape and processing involved with returning to school and work is a far greater inconvenience than wearing a mask. And even someone like my husband who didn't require a ventilator, still had to utilize hospital staff and resources. While he was there, all of the nurses and doctors and specialists said the same thing to him over and over and over again: "Tell your friends and family to take this seriously. Tell them to stay safe and not to treat this like a joke." I am overjoyed that our amazing doctors and researchers have found effective treatment options and have dramatically reduced the death rate of this virus. But just as many people can and do recover from cancer, it is not something you want to play with. The average five year survival rate of melanoma is 92% (99% if detected early) but we should still wear sunscreen and avoid UV rays. 

My Final Pieces Of Advice

My family was and continues to be extremely open about our experiences with Covid. Not because we want attention or because of politics or for any other reason than our genuine desire for fewer people to suffer. The same few "lessons" keep repeating themselves in my mind and in my conversations with others... 

Stay vigilant. You don't have to lock yourself away and become a hermit. Just wear your mask and ask that others do too. If you have meetings or events that need to proceed, try to do them outside. Still wear masks. Even small gatherings or meetings with one other person can carry risks if you don't take precautions. The experts have so many wonderful graphics and explanations for how to layer protections in order to socialize and live your life without increasing your risks. You just can't predict the odds in these circumstances, and I can tell you that the inconvenience of these precautions is nothing compared to what comes with contracting Covid. It wasn't "bad luck" that we got Covid. It was a consequence of decisions. 

Demonstrate compassion. I could rattle off a dozen examples of where I'm seeing people be unkind towards others amidst this pandemic. Anything from hurtful comments to hurtful choices. Just don't, please. I saw two strangers scream at each other in a grocery store the other day. I know our country is more divided than ever and that almost every issue is polarized, but that serves no one. So many of the things that cause us to attack, belittle, and hate each other are abstract compared to our basic common humanity. While I realize we all have some things we can't abide or condone, I do believe that people are complex and dynamic and constantly evolving. I can't think of how generally showing each other more kindness, empathy, and "benefit of the doubt" is a losing proposition.